German Winter Reflections

Riding on the train along the German countryside triggers certain thoughts. How life could be living in a small country house, walking to work through the blistering cold winter air and ending the day with a cup of hot chocolate. Throw in some cute kiddies with the cutest fluffy beanies and life is perfect. I honestly don't think there is a catch. Throw away a little bit of that Singaporeanness and anyone could indulge in living in a place like this. The Germans are smart, clean, efficient and best of all, punctual. The people are real good looking too.

We often think of life in 5, 10 years. Maybe by then I could be consultant, sipping tea before the leisurely morning round. Maybe I would have the imagined children that people have been asking me about. But then, maybe I could have a brain cancer, and die even before 10 years is up. Life never turns out the way you think it should. Marriage, careers, health, wealth. Somewhere, something trips up. A well-loved church leader and friend recently passed away, his life celebrated by many at his funeral. I thought about the day the people I love died - my mum, my grandma, my brothers, SJ. Am not sure how that would feel. Death comes to all, and what if it did tomorrow? I selfishly hope it comes to me before everyone else so that I wouldn't have to feel the painful lost. So then, what is our life? The greatest hope and answer to Life lies in the message of Christmas, that there is hope and eternity beyond death, that death brings us only a temporal separation.

I had a nightmare about CVM manpower last night. Bizarre that even on leave I'm plagued by these rostering woes. W had warned me that being the roster monster AND in CVM really shows you the worst (as well as the better) side of everyone. Very odd call requests bordering on unreasonable, unanswered calls for help,  many more reasons for being unable to lend a hand. Humans are selfish, myself included. After all, it is all luck of draw if you end up as ambulatory MO for a month or in HFS solo for the entire posting. First impressions lasts a lifetime, and honestly, there are some people I would hope never to have to refer my patients to.

I guess no one can save the world, we are just trying to save ourselves. Two years and 6 months of doctoring and here I am...admittedly a teeny weeny bit jaded.

Fail

I feel like purely for patient safety, I should just not go on doing this. Terribly inept.

On call

Halfway there

This posting reminds me of times like these. Am halfway there, and to be honest can't wait for the end. Its a pity that I feel this way, I thought it'd be less of such a dread. I also had to write my first response to a complaint for starting clinic 10 minutes late. I had wanted to add in that I did not even have lunch that day, but figured that it would not matter anyway. Things just need to get done, patients need to be seen (whether thoughtfully or not) and the list needs to be shortened. Life goes on. Add this on top of weekly roster planning, worrying about whether I've counted patients wrongly or left out consultants and the dreadful call roster. Also had a terrible call last night not a result of admissions or sick patients, but a nurse from hell. January please come quickly.

So tomorrow brings relief, somewhat I guess. I'll be taking my mum on a holiday for the first time in many years! A short trip to Hong Kong to see the protests, eat some yummy food, enjoy the cool HK winter and do some touristy things. I had made up in my mind to bring my mum overseas once I had cleared my exams, and here I am. Somewhat excited, also a little stressed about having to run to family holiday. Praying for God's grace to keep up the peace and harmony! ♥

A random thought to remember - that I encountered a nice auntie who had promised to take care of her neighbour's husband after his wife died. She had been paying for his household expenses and maid expenditure all these years. I told her Auntie 你人很好 to encourage her good work! What a lovely lady, selflessly taking care of a demented old man not related to her by blood but out of kinship. 

My post call brain is euphoric that SJ also managed to get a confirmation of his conference ticket in December. Yay to Christmas markets and a semi-white Christmas :)

Kowtow

"Interesting, the murmur is heard both in the front AND the back...an aortic lesion should not be heard at the back...it may be a dissection."

Feeling slightly inspired for the first time! :D