Shit happens hehe.
Showing posts with label MICU. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MICU. Show all posts
Thursday, June 4, 2015
Outstanding things
Once again, I feel like I'm trying to catch up with my own life. I often feel that I surrender my time to things that I overcommit to. On the other hand, the moment I have time to spare I feel that I am wasting my youth.
Two months of MICU have gone by. I have had several thoughts on life and medicine in these 2 months. The usual rotation requires residents to do 2 months of ICU, usually 1 month at each go. With no weekends or public holidays and intensive daytime work, the resident is usually expected to be able to handle about 1 month of toilsome labour at a go. How I landed up doing back to back postings was somewhat a choice of my own, but no regrets nonetheless, and I would have done the same thing all over again. After two months, I was tired, but not more tired than I had expected.
What I found myself feeling at the end of MICU was a strange disappointment at medicine and how doctors often claim too much credit than it is due. There is really only so much that medicine can do, and all we do is often delay the inevitable that is death. In between, we inflict pain (tubes, lines, needles) and exert restraints (cannot move limbs, cannot move body, cannot eat, cannot talk). The life is saved perhaps, but was it worth saving? Often found myself finding no answers to these questions, and in my mind a clarity of how I would not give up talking and eating just to be alive. The body is amazing, and heals itself much more than we give it credit for. Many a time, we take credit for what improvement may have occurred even without intervention, and attribute it to the thousand and one interventions that we throw at the patient to cover all ground.
I was once asked a question pertaining to my work, "What defines a good day at work?". My answer then was, "When I have helped someone to realize their mortality." My MICU posting has made this all the more resonant within me.
Started my ED posting about 2 days ago, and a culture shock would be an understatement. Finding order in the chaos stresses out the poor multitasker in me. I have about 500 outstanding things on my to-do list now and shift work really is not helping.
Time to study for the next exam.
Two months of MICU have gone by. I have had several thoughts on life and medicine in these 2 months. The usual rotation requires residents to do 2 months of ICU, usually 1 month at each go. With no weekends or public holidays and intensive daytime work, the resident is usually expected to be able to handle about 1 month of toilsome labour at a go. How I landed up doing back to back postings was somewhat a choice of my own, but no regrets nonetheless, and I would have done the same thing all over again. After two months, I was tired, but not more tired than I had expected.
What I found myself feeling at the end of MICU was a strange disappointment at medicine and how doctors often claim too much credit than it is due. There is really only so much that medicine can do, and all we do is often delay the inevitable that is death. In between, we inflict pain (tubes, lines, needles) and exert restraints (cannot move limbs, cannot move body, cannot eat, cannot talk). The life is saved perhaps, but was it worth saving? Often found myself finding no answers to these questions, and in my mind a clarity of how I would not give up talking and eating just to be alive. The body is amazing, and heals itself much more than we give it credit for. Many a time, we take credit for what improvement may have occurred even without intervention, and attribute it to the thousand and one interventions that we throw at the patient to cover all ground.
I was once asked a question pertaining to my work, "What defines a good day at work?". My answer then was, "When I have helped someone to realize their mortality." My MICU posting has made this all the more resonant within me.
Started my ED posting about 2 days ago, and a culture shock would be an understatement. Finding order in the chaos stresses out the poor multitasker in me. I have about 500 outstanding things on my to-do list now and shift work really is not helping.
Time to study for the next exam.
Friday, May 1, 2015
Tough times
Times have been tough.
MICU is a weird environment. Things are changing all the time. Patients, bosses, labs, things, patterns, where things are kept. It's a wonder people actually survive an ICU stay. Everyday is a surprise, be it the deathly ill patient who improves, or the patient who has been apparently doing well suddenly deteriorating. My friends say I have "good call luck", with infrequent admissions on call and generally nice patients. They say that once you've seen MICU, nothing fazes you anymore. You can just about stick a tube into any part of the body to introduce or withdraw things as you please. It's true, medicine and technology have come a long way in organ support. Man can be kept alive artificially for a long time. It can be a blessing, but people sometimes fail to see how that becomes a curse. The curse of ICU, my boss would say, on discussing the case of a patient on day 59 of ICU, with a tracheostomy and no reasonable room for any improvement. It's been a tiring month, and yet another month more.
On a personal front, family matters have seen my frequenting NUH often these days. Thankful for many many angels that God has put in our paths to provide the best possible care. From an instantaneous clinic consult, an early surgery date and just the right people to spy on the back end to make sure things are alright. Even people whom I've just barely said hi to from a long distance away have been ever ready to lend a hand. I've come to realise also that SJ are highly unemotional and inert people. I make up for it by conscious social equilibration, but SJ really does not bother at all. We discussed what each would do if one of us fell ill, and both decided that death was the better alternative. Life goes on regardless, no moping allowed.
I'd like to write about the patient experience, but that is for another day. Work starts tomorrow as usual, 6:30AM, regardless of the fact that it is Saturday and part of a nice long weekend that I cannot enjoy. Just to remember that in this time of mundane madness, SJ has been wonderful. After a terribly long day, I get to come home to a clean house, washed laundry and a hot home cooked dinner. Poor long suffering husband.
MICU is a weird environment. Things are changing all the time. Patients, bosses, labs, things, patterns, where things are kept. It's a wonder people actually survive an ICU stay. Everyday is a surprise, be it the deathly ill patient who improves, or the patient who has been apparently doing well suddenly deteriorating. My friends say I have "good call luck", with infrequent admissions on call and generally nice patients. They say that once you've seen MICU, nothing fazes you anymore. You can just about stick a tube into any part of the body to introduce or withdraw things as you please. It's true, medicine and technology have come a long way in organ support. Man can be kept alive artificially for a long time. It can be a blessing, but people sometimes fail to see how that becomes a curse. The curse of ICU, my boss would say, on discussing the case of a patient on day 59 of ICU, with a tracheostomy and no reasonable room for any improvement. It's been a tiring month, and yet another month more.
On a personal front, family matters have seen my frequenting NUH often these days. Thankful for many many angels that God has put in our paths to provide the best possible care. From an instantaneous clinic consult, an early surgery date and just the right people to spy on the back end to make sure things are alright. Even people whom I've just barely said hi to from a long distance away have been ever ready to lend a hand. I've come to realise also that SJ are highly unemotional and inert people. I make up for it by conscious social equilibration, but SJ really does not bother at all. We discussed what each would do if one of us fell ill, and both decided that death was the better alternative. Life goes on regardless, no moping allowed.
I'd like to write about the patient experience, but that is for another day. Work starts tomorrow as usual, 6:30AM, regardless of the fact that it is Saturday and part of a nice long weekend that I cannot enjoy. Just to remember that in this time of mundane madness, SJ has been wonderful. After a terribly long day, I get to come home to a clean house, washed laundry and a hot home cooked dinner. Poor long suffering husband.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Off day
In MICU, we are on call, post-call and then get an off day. I am off today.
It's kind of weird. I mean, having lots of alone time. My off day is usually spent waking up at 6:30AM anyway so that I can send SJ to work. Poor chappy has been tortured together alongside me during this posting in waking up at before 6:00AM every day so that I can reach work on time, so 6:30AM is still considered a luxury. After dropped SJ off at work, I make a 3-minute ride down to Tiong Bahru Market to pick up some breakfast and have it in the luxury of my home.
I usually aim to get some work done on a day like this, but today I feel so under the weather that I've just been watching Star Awards youtube videos and laughing at Rui En's famous resting b*tch face. Now I am just lounging around and contemplating if I should go swimming in this glorious sun.
I think I will.
It's kind of weird. I mean, having lots of alone time. My off day is usually spent waking up at 6:30AM anyway so that I can send SJ to work. Poor chappy has been tortured together alongside me during this posting in waking up at before 6:00AM every day so that I can reach work on time, so 6:30AM is still considered a luxury. After dropped SJ off at work, I make a 3-minute ride down to Tiong Bahru Market to pick up some breakfast and have it in the luxury of my home.
I usually aim to get some work done on a day like this, but today I feel so under the weather that I've just been watching Star Awards youtube videos and laughing at Rui En's famous resting b*tch face. Now I am just lounging around and contemplating if I should go swimming in this glorious sun.
I think I will.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)