First of the farewells

Dana was the first person to say hi to SJ and I when we first stepped into Dwell. So it was only right for us to do something to thank her for her years of quiet but faithful service for her last official Sunday at church. Han put it very nicely, that "There are rare souls who are constantly serving, loving and giving in the background without needing to bring attention to themselves. Dana is one such gem." God's quiet servant who sets up faithfully every Sunday, preparing the communion elements/laptop/sound system/worship slides/door signs and then taking them down when the church was barely a handful of people.

So Lily had once casually suggested a Potato Party because D apparently loves potatoes to bits (I never knew haha) and so we did it - pulled off a party of potato things - shepherd's pie, roasted garlic herb wedges, belgian frites with queso dip, potato chips and a potato salad. Topped off with a Cheesecake Factory cheesecake. I was glad to find out that of all the things in the world, potatoes and cheese are the way to D's heart :) It was a lovely evening.

We always wonder (and maybe worry) about that happens when people leave/move on, but God's house and ministry will go on, and so will Dwell. All the best Dana!

Surprise!

Beyond blessed :)

Baby shower #2

Second baby shower! One that I was honestly surprised at. Turns out SJ was in the know as well (but couldn't be present as he had a make up class that day). The night before V messaged me to meet up with J slightly earlier to discuss some crisis she had been going through. Had thought it was a little odd but agreed nonetheless. Long story short, surprise! As with all party things, I am usually very socially awkward and paiseh the entire time so I tried my best to be as normal as possible. But I was sincerely touched at the effort and gifts that everyone showered upon me.

Low Batt Alert

Low battery alert. This week was a week of (too?) many social interactions. Spent a lot of time at Lily's preparing flowers for Easter, which was a great time of getting pregnancy/motherhood/labor advice from someone who has been there, done that. And the cherry on top is of course our favorite kiddo Silas who is seriously the funniest and cutest kid on the block. Then there was small group, and then hanging out at John and Karen's featuring Singaporean chicken rice (!!) and finally getting a bite of the famous Levain's cookies - seriously heavenly. Another afternoon was spent babysitting Si while his parents had to be out and we fed him grapes. And we also spent one morning walking to Tompkins Square Bagels with Guo Kai to try their bagels freshly baked bagels on the hour, definitely worth the walk. Tonight we are having Valerie over for dinner, followed by the Aussie folks for red bean soup. The "I" in me just wants to hang out on my bed by myself and read a book for the rest of the afternoon :p

Spring is well on its way and the flowers are blooming! It was like 20C yesterday and I was feeling hot hot hot! But it went down to 3C today and I had to put on my coat again -.- I was so looking forward to putting on dresses again but oh well, at least not for the next week. April is quickly approaching as well and all the things I've put off till "1 month before EDD" are soon to be due D:

Tompkins Square Bagels with scallion cream cheese, I'm definitely a bagels convert!

Hehe

Levain's cookies, seriously omg!

March

Wow it's March! And it's almost the end of winter (hurray!) The perennial question, where did all that time go? I feel like I've been doing everything but also nothing at the same time. Just the other day, I went to snuggle in my bed at 3 O'clock in the afternoon to read a book and slowly fall asleep, and just thought about how awesome it has been do be on this "sabbatical" (read: holiday). I'd admit that some days I do miss the challenges of clinical work and earning my own keep, but when the sun is up and it's 5 degree celcius outside and I'm snuggled under my sheets, I can't help but feel a sense of wonderful bliss as I wander off to my nap. No regrets!

I've thought recently about Life and it occurred to me how we (myself included) often feel compelled to live it as a race. There is this sense of oh no I need to keep up when we hear of counterparts moving on the "milestones" in Life. Oh he graduated! He's doing his second degree? No way, she got promoted again? Wow, she got married. First kid! Second kid on the way! And we feel like we got to hurry and catch up or our lives remain empty and stagnant. What a folly, I'm sure Qoheleth would proclaim. This probably becomes especially relevant in this particular season of my life, but I also am reminded of the wonder and beauty of slowing down to smell the roses. There remains but a couple of months before I am called, first, to the higher calling of parenting, and second back to the daily grunge of clinical medicine. So as I am typing this enjoying the luxury of time and being without worry, I just hope I remember the feeling of having the God given privilege of being here and doing so. :)

W was in town for the week to experience NYC and we had country BBQ for dinner :) Having been proclaimed the most underwhelming NY travel guide ever, we head to the Cheesecake Factory this afternoon!

Yikes

Rough start to 2016. First was a baby that was born at 26 weeks. Next came the Zika outbreak. Then there was a trip to the hospital. Someone had to travel to another state for a loss in the family. And most recently there was an admission to the hospital 2 days before Chinese new year. I feel like everyone is just dodging bullets that are being fired across the board - young, old, rich, poor, here, overseas. I certainly hope you are having a better 2016 thus far. Oh, perhaps one piece of happy news is that I passed my silly CS exam! (Don't laugh, I know they are taken by medical students -.-) Well, we are thankful for small blessings.

It recently came to my attention how incredibly blind one can be to their own parenting style or failures, and the lack of control one has over how a child feels, his/her character and his/her response to discipline. As I lay in bed last night, I wondered what the Bible says about parenting, and for a moment wondered (God forgive me) if Jesus had any authority to teach on parenting without being a parent himself. I mean, sure the bible does have proverbs on parenting, and several instances of human parents, but no clear model? My clearly misguided thoughts were led to the fact that God the Father perhaps sets the finest example from whom I should take guidance from. Still, its easy to say that Love should be the answer, and continue to wonder what to do when your son/daughter harbours a certain resentment towards you.

I've honestly been very thankful for friends back home A, W, S, Z who have indulged me with extended Whatsapp chats and random SOSes in times of need. In this state of transitions (am I still transitioning here to NYC or back to SG? I'm not sure) one can honestly feel lonely, and rather ambivalent to the entire situation. Kind of like a nomad.

Given how 2016 has panned out so far, I'm honestly filled with trepidation as to what the year brings. Hopefully with the arrival of the Monkey we may see more fun filled laughter and time to monkey around. We're spending the eve having some hotpot with other Singaporeans. I did find a place that sells yusheng but it costs a freaking USD20 for a small sized portion. We are too cheapo so I guess we will just do away for this year :p

tbChristmas!

Almost forgot to share how we celebrate our first (probably only) Christmas in New York! As C put it, we were voluntary NYU Orphans amongst the others who chose to fly home or away for the holiday season, hoping to catch a wintry white Christmas. Alas, that was NOT the case. We were instead gifted with el nino and a 70F Christmas D:

Spent the holiday season at Valerie's twice, first with the Dwell folk over a quiet dinner and later with the international students ministry. Had the opportunity to chat with J and D. Sowing seeds...

Singing carols in a (relatively) cold wintry night

Valerie sharing the Christmas story :)

Christmas kookies!

The Shuangs and Mum were over in NYC for the season, and I wouldn't miss Singaporean mama food for anything so we jumped at their invitation over to Brooklyn for Christmas dinner! No turkey or fancy thingums but good old fish curry, chap chye, gong bao chicken and hanging out with some other Singaporeans in town. 

Singaporean entourage!

For NYE, we headed to Uncommons next door where Christine taught us how to play PowerGrid. It was an crazy intense 3 hours (plus lots of confusion along the way haha). Before we knew it, it was 2016! Cheers with some bubbly!

Happy holidays! (:

Wedding bells

I can already think of 10 weddings that I'll be missing in the coming year/end of 2015.

• E&HJ
• A&LJ
• B&BJ
• A&C
• YK&J
• A&E
• KQ&J
• P&A
• M&CY
• KR&D

I think when I return I will no longer have any friends. :(

Salted egg crabssss

After like a year of doing data entry/mining and writing and lots of emails, we finally submitted our manuscript! To thank C and K for all their help and guidance, I hosted them (spouse included!) over some Singaporean goodness at Roland Seafood. Check out the sore-throat inducing salted egg and yam crabsssss. As usual, I have a sore throat now :x Happy for C who is post-paces, and K who is on his way to finishing his thesis. Nevermind the outcome of our submission, just glad that it is finally over, and a chapter closed. :)

Ah....

Friends

Kith Cafe@Sentosa

Just doing what we do best (:

Golden oldies

Turned 26 (I think) a couple of days ago and spent it in the good old CDC attending to Tmax 37.9C and new admissions at 9pm. Was rewarded with a nondescript day seeing blues followed by a quiet and peaceful call. When K asked me how SJ spent it with me, I told her we had "expensive steak" and went on to explain that we spent "fifteen whole dollars on a slab of ribeye!". In retrospect that must have sounded really lame haha. Well in truth we usually eat Giant-bought sirloin which costs about $4 for 250g so this steak costs just about four times the price! Expensive enough to be considered a treat. Was certainly not disappointed and was as equally pleased with it as I think I would have been at Mortons. 

Tang's Kitchen Ribeye steak, medium done :)

Was a busy weekend, apt that I spent it mostly with the other turning 26-ers - rounded on Saturday, stole some time out to meet up with SC folks (in both day and night!) Lunched with these ladies, and made sure we took a photo which would be the last photo in a while since S is going to be living in Beijing for the next 3-odd years. :( Can't wait for K's wedding and for a baby to pop too, since in her own words she's "living the standard life", which therefore means marriage and then baby shortly after hehe.

Chilling at a new hipster place the Lokal

After spending the afternoon at SGH with Chee and doing our project, plomped onto a grass patch with this other bunch of ladies (and +1s, dog included) to celebrate an almost-annual (well, not quite) MAF picnic. Thanks to G who provided awesome sparklers and lanterns (telling the shop auntie "我要最贵的, 钱不是问题!" and everyone who brought random food, fun night despite being a mosquito feast. Yoda was high on drugs.

The night we mixed up Qu Yuan and MAF :x

Just to end off this post abruptly with a random picture of this char siew soh, as a representation of my Sunday spent watching Guardians of the Galaxy (boring! don't watch!) and dim sum lunch at Crystal Jade Vivo yums!

Housewarming!

Had the meddies over at my place post exam for potluck and everyone turned up with something yummy or another! To think that we've known each other for 8 years! And, there are NO SURGEONS, though there are some MRCSes floating around. Weird huh. Happy times.

Jaryl's seafood marinara pasta

Shawn's (girlfriend's) homemade salad, Yukit & Joseph's mushroom soup

SJ's Jamie Oliver's roast chicken

Dr and Mrs Jon Tang

First church wedding I've attended since I got married! (Had to miss a couple because of work/travel duties) I always feel so immensely happy and touched seeing the bride walk down the aisle to her eager groom. Followed by the exchange of solemn and binding vows before the altar. Congrats Jon Tang and Nadine! Your wedding was so God fearing and lovely. Have a blessed marriage :)

Pasta Alla Genovese

So we really had nothing better to do  on a Sunday and decided to made pasta from scratch. Good ole President Scholar friend could not resist being cheapo and buying a china-made pasta maker (actually a ban mian maker in disguise) for 100 yuan and hence the adventure. Three hours and a flour-ey table and floor later, we actually produced a bowl of damn yummy pasta genovese! We used Jamie Oliver's recipe and also another of his roast chicken salad recipes. 



Stirring eggs in a flour well



The purpose of this photo is to demonstrate how my new haircut makes my head look like a hairball.

Ball of doh

Using Stef's China-made cheapo pasta/banmian machine




Tada! Pretty awesome and yummy too.

Noms



The Good Life

So recently I've been reading people blogs and lives and stalking people on Facebook (what's new). It occurred to me that at this age and phase in our lives, we are in a season of truly defining what our life stands for, what we want to achieve in our prime and what kind of pursuits we are devoting our hours to. I came across peers, seniors, juniors, celebrities and had a glimpse into their lives, in particular of the XX genotype. Of course, life-on-the-internet is always just-that-bit more glamorous that it is in real life, but it did get me pondering on what kind of life I'd consider as The Good Life. You'd may know/identify some/most of them, but I'll try to keep them anonymous for what its worth.

Someone told me that X had the good life. Married to a supermodel looking husband, popped an incredibly cute baby and earning money by living a life on camera for the world to see. (Baby is really super cute) Sponsored holidays, freebies for food, baby stuff, renovation and the works. It's great! Life seems really easy and chill. The flipside of celebrity life would be having one hater for each fan, dealing with insults and flamers day in day out. Got to have a high self esteem to handle that. 

I always felt that J had the good life. The superduperoverachiever. Born with a silver spoon but spat it out. Paid through university herself. Got married to yetanothersuperduperoverachiever. Graduated with a prestigious degree and now in pursuit of another degree not second to the first. Living an incredible life in a faraway place, travelling every other weekend to some exotic land. Not tied down by baby, money or family. Incredibly smart but down to earth, super rich but not extravagant. How does anyone do that? Rather, how does anyone get there?

T's good life had been defined by standard beyond any other. Another overachiever but chose to drop it all in pursuit of a greater mission. No highly coveted training in a subspecialty, no Ivy League Master's degree. Got married, dropped it all and left for a higher calling. Not sure if getting married was the turning point, or whether it would have happened either way. Regardless, this good life will certainly remain good for eternity, but not a cup that is easy to drink from.

W is married, and happily married. Decided that to be a wife she needed to consider lifestyle and money choices over others. Her world seems to revolve around her husband, her marriage and her future family. It's great! Am sure a baby down the road and the works will complete her picture of The Good Life. I do think to myself, though, that it does take a lot of will to decide that one should give up ABC that one has been working on all his/her life for Wife-ing and Baby-ing. Not that I disagree, but I do wonder if there is another way around it. (Having said that, I've noticed that some people are really just bursting with motherly instincts and wanting to have offspring stat. I do have my own reservations about offspring, but that is another topic for another day.)

L is the last but not the least. L is single and has big dreams. Nothing is stopping her and she is on at full speed, tasting and living life the way she loves, not held down by husband/boyfriend, baby or money. No need to think about whether my husband wants to move to another country, no need to think about whether there is good education in said country for baby to grow up. Just decide and go. Good? Certainly. It could get lonely I guess, but there are strangers to share beers with and Contiki travellers to bunk together with.

So then, what is my life? I am married, still working, trying to pursue a higher qualification in the same field. To what end? I don't know. A few things may change from here (highlight "may"). I could produce some offspring, and my life would change forever. Maybe to something like X or W. Or, I could decide NOT to produce some offspring, and pursue a life like J. I guess since I'm married living L's life would be out of the question, although I do think that L's life can be much like J's. And lastly would I ever live T's life? Not sure. 

 

Turning 26 this year, about a third done with Life. Has it been good? Yes. Will it be better? I hope!

In response to your question...

No, I'm not pregnant.

:)

Taking your breath away

So I thought I'd write a little about this posting that I'm doing. Started Respiratory Medicine in January this year in a department with a reputation. A good one certainly, filled with the guardians of the ICUs, the healers of the most sick and also the scariests to call on call :p Was thrown into the deep end on Day 1, rounding in the NIVU (non invasive ventilation unit) where I had to familiarize myself with the machines and the room was a symphony of wheezing, pressure resistance and coughing altogether when all the beds were full. Thankful for seniors who were firm but approachable, and also for morning tea (something that I had grown used to back in NCC).

Put in my first chest tube 2 weeks into the posting and had to tell that same auntie that she had cancer. Learning to put in the arterial lines saved my ass on last nights call when the NIVU went from 25% to 100% full in 3 hours flat. To BIPAP or not to BIPAP? In medicine there is always a bit of white, a bit of black and a whole ocean of gray in between. The challenge of a training physician today really is to learn what is right, not what is convenient or commonplace.

My mind has wandered off to something else so I shall end this post abruptly with a picture of something yummy. Happy 1st month Adele, daughter of N and J! (talk about growing up and friends having babies...)

Horfun happiness

5 minutes before SJ calls me to set the table for lunch.

Cannot believe we are nearing the end of March. The next cliche would be where has all that time gone?! I know where it went. It went into learning how to set chest tubes, intraarterial lines, lunch time tutorials, 7pm short cases, Pastest, learning how to say-the-right-thing-at-the-right-time and telling someone he had HIV. It's crazy. I half can't wait for July to come and half am dreading it to the core.

I did something about what I wrote about in my last entry. CG 19 popping over to my house this week :) Bimbotic yay! Recent times have made me look back in reminiscence at this bunch of people without whom I really don't think I could have made it through MBBS. Happy times :)

Learning to live more in parallel lines and less in a continuum.

Fragile

Have lots of thoughts now, post first attempt MRCP Part 1. Wanted to write a long post about how to prepare for the Part 1 (as a reminder to myself for potential future attempts and maybe for juniors), but then I learnt of news of someone's loss. Felt stunned for a while and overboiled my eggs. Had some friends over and now it's time for bed.

Flying off tomorrow for a strange land. Half excited, half apprehensive.