Yikes

Rough start to 2016. First was a baby that was born at 26 weeks. Next came the Zika outbreak. Then there was a trip to the hospital. Someone had to travel to another state for a loss in the family. And most recently there was an admission to the hospital 2 days before Chinese new year. I feel like everyone is just dodging bullets that are being fired across the board - young, old, rich, poor, here, overseas. I certainly hope you are having a better 2016 thus far. Oh, perhaps one piece of happy news is that I passed my silly CS exam! (Don't laugh, I know they are taken by medical students -.-) Well, we are thankful for small blessings.

It recently came to my attention how incredibly blind one can be to their own parenting style or failures, and the lack of control one has over how a child feels, his/her character and his/her response to discipline. As I lay in bed last night, I wondered what the Bible says about parenting, and for a moment wondered (God forgive me) if Jesus had any authority to teach on parenting without being a parent himself. I mean, sure the bible does have proverbs on parenting, and several instances of human parents, but no clear model? My clearly misguided thoughts were led to the fact that God the Father perhaps sets the finest example from whom I should take guidance from. Still, its easy to say that Love should be the answer, and continue to wonder what to do when your son/daughter harbours a certain resentment towards you.

I've honestly been very thankful for friends back home A, W, S, Z who have indulged me with extended Whatsapp chats and random SOSes in times of need. In this state of transitions (am I still transitioning here to NYC or back to SG? I'm not sure) one can honestly feel lonely, and rather ambivalent to the entire situation. Kind of like a nomad.

Given how 2016 has panned out so far, I'm honestly filled with trepidation as to what the year brings. Hopefully with the arrival of the Monkey we may see more fun filled laughter and time to monkey around. We're spending the eve having some hotpot with other Singaporeans. I did find a place that sells yusheng but it costs a freaking USD20 for a small sized portion. We are too cheapo so I guess we will just do away for this year :p

Step 2 CS

I survived Philly! I had thoughts about how I would die there, killed and dying alone in my AirBnB, murdered by the Chinese speaking auntie who showed me into the house...but I didn't!

I must say that this experience is one that I certainly don't want to relive. Hats off to everyone who has ever traveled abroad to do an exam. The anxiety related with so much uncertainly just wrecks my nerves - Where does my bus stop? How do I get to my exam center (American spelling!)? Who do I call for help if I'm lost? Will my AirBnB host kill me? Is there enough time to pack my bag? Where do I leave my luggage during my exam? It's insane, if say you were taking something major like PACES. All I really wanted to to achieve was minimal cost and to get in and out as fast as possible.

Thankful for my AirBnB host - whom I literally never saw (her mother opened the door for me a showed me in). I had booked it because the reviews said "Perfect location for board exam!" and costs left than half what then Sheraton would (nearest hotel to exam center). It even came with a bookshelf of revision material! lolz.

Me mugging in the room, day before exam

Well all I needed was a roof over my head, a bed, toilet, and adequate heating, which this place did. And just a 15 minute walk away from the exam center. All in all I would rate it 4/5 stars. Minus 1 star for thin walls - you wake up everytime someone uses the toilet next door. Well for my first AirBnB experience, it wasn't too bad. 

Nonetheless, it was a restless night before the exam. I woke up at 12MN feeling terribly hungry so I ate a pack of chips. I had palpitations intermittently, and was awoken at 5:45AM by someone using the toilet. Got out of bed, changed, packed and scooted off before anyone else in the house seemed awake. 

The exam was not held at Penn Medicine. It was somewhere close by, I suspect in a related building. I had arrived 20 minutes early, and everyone else was on time. I was clearly the odd thumb sticking out with a short sleeved labcoat. Got over and done with the administrative matters and off to the exam.

The exam itself was...weird. I don't feel like it went great, but oh well. Overhead a couple of conversations between the other candidates from Penn, NYU, talking about application to residencies all over the US etc etc. It's tough to be a medical student here man, there are like a gazillion brilliant people. I think there were a couple of other IMGs (a girl from Nigeria) but mostly local students. Americans are generally don't take themselves too seriously though, with the proctors telling jokes in between the introduction etc, lightening the mood and getting everyone relaxed. It was a well organized exam :)

Hopped on the next bus back to NYC. The moment the bus started moving, the driver had announced over the PA system "Ladies and gentlemen, we are heading to Boston Massachussetts!" This was followed by lots of ?!?!?! amongst the passengers, all still while the bus in moving. One minute later, the bus driver then announced again, "Now that I have gotten your attention...we are heading to NYC :D" Ha, Americans!

Homesick

I'm hardly an effusive person, but I have to say that lying here in bed, in my maiden AirBnB experience, all alone makes me really homesick and husbandsick. I've barely been here over 12 hours. No one to pour me a hot drink while I'm freezing under the quilt, worries about whether I'll be able to wake up on time for my exam tomorrow and having instant noodles for dinner just because eating out is no fun when you're alone. I can't wait for tomorrow to come and just be over and go home to the arms of a loving husband.

I remember what M had once shared about his PACES experience. The night before his exam, his cousin suddenly died. Then, it dawned on him how trivial it was to worry over an exam. A silly simulated exam of which failing may bring additional expense and effort, but really is nothing compared to the greater things in life. So as a reminder to myself, to rest assured in God's faithfulness, and that there are far greater things to consider.

Over dinner I watched the Channel News Asia documentary on the Sabah quake that struck Mount Kinabalu earlier this year. It wasn't about the Singaporean children who lost their lives, but instead the local guides who risked, and gave, their lives in order that their "clients" may live. Tragic stories of a newly engaged young man, and another young father leaving behind his wife and a 6 month old child. Heartbreaking.

So as I wind down for the night, I hope I don't ever forget what a privilege it is to be a doctor. That I may give myself for the betterment of another.

Ugh

Ugh. I hate the feeling just days before a clinical exam. You kind of feel like just getting over and done with it, but then again never really feeling quite adequately prepared. I can't wait for Thursday night to come! 

On a side note, SJ's obsession with purple carrots resulted in us eating purple rice. We steamed the carrots in the steamer on top of the rice cooker which then resulted in the carrot juice dripping down into the cooked rice. Well I guess if purple things are generally healthy to eat then why not purple rice? Looks weird though.